Today I have been travelling on a journey and it has given me time to reflect. Today’s journey was from the unknown area of Scotland near Inveraray and my reflections were on the unknown first time journey of the eighteen months since Selina died, I can hardly believe that the days that have dragged by and the months that have rocketed by have added up to a year and a half, to the day.
Today’s unknown journey started in a drab and dreary valley that the car had to climb carefully from over a rocky and rough road and it felt at times that it was not going to make it or if it did it was going to be damaged. The comparison with the first weeks and months after Selina died are many . It was dreary and miserable, it was hard and rough and it was a battle to come up out of that sad place that at times I seriously doubted I would be able to do.Today like in life I have had many ups and downs (it is Scotland after all) and the weather was not kind with wet and misty conditions added to by the many huge wagons going at speed the other way as well as the slow, careful drivers that kept me back when I wanted to move on faster.Who I wonder are the slow drivers in my life, who has held me back? Luckily I can’t think of any so perhaps I’ve been on the fast road for a while, supported and encouraged by friends a plenty. Lucky me. The unexpected happened today when my sat nav suddenly redirected me through the centre of Glasgow rather than the quick route over the Kincardine bridge and that was quite nerve wracking much like those times in life when you suddenly have to face things you don’t want to and I’ve faced many of these over the last eighteen months. Slowly, with breaks to rest the journey goes on, life goes by, change is accepted and even celebrated, the sun breaks through the darkness in your life and the Selina shaped hole in my heart has less raw edges. It may never heal but it will be, is becoming manageable. Today the sun popped out as I sped down the M74, it got warm, it got hot and then there were more showers. Arriving home it was really warm and then I walked into the house that we loved coming back to and the loss was there, not for long but there like a sharp point digging in. Life like any journey has its ups and downs, it’s problems and it’s dangers but, I am getting through this quite well now, I am in control (mostly) and I know I have loads of help and support. Most people reading this will be Twitter contacts, several of whom I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting in real life and now call friends; My Twitter friends have been and are still the bright sun in my dark days. You know who you are, thank you for shining.